The Tel Aviv–Al-Quds Speech: A Depiction of President Abdirahman M. Abdullah Irro’s speech

By Osman Ali Hassan

My speech today is not a plea for understanding; it is a declaration of intent. It is a business proposal. To the people of Somali-land, I say: your destiny is no longer in your hands. You have entrusted it to me. To the Islamic scholars, I say: your fatwas are meaningless. To the civil society, I say: your protests are futile. To the tribal warlords, I say: your armies are obsolete. To the international community, I say: your sanctions are toothless. And to my new masters, the state of Israel, I say: I am ready. I have the keys to the kingdom. I have the people, the land, and the strategic position. You have the capital, the technology, and the will. Let us join forces. Let us build a new empire in the Horn of Africa, a bastion of economic power and political servitude. Let us control the seas. Let us silence our critics with our success. Let us make history, not as liberators, but as the most successful corporate-state alliance the world has ever seen

I stand before you not as a man, but as a monument. I am the President, and my people are my chattel. Let that sink into your bones, let it curdle the milk of human kindness in your chest, because I have no more use for such sentimentality. I have gazed into the abyss of power, and the abyss did not gaze back; it blinked, and I won. I have seen the game of nations, the great chessboard of geopolitics, and I have realized the most profound and terrible truth: the pieces are not people, and the goal is not peace. The goal is absolute, untrammeled, and eternal dominion. And I, Abdirahman Mohamed Abdullahi, have found the winning move. It is a move so audacious, so blasphemous, so strategically perfect that it will rewrite the very definition of statecraft. I am selling my people. All six million of them. I am selling them, body and soul, to the state of Israel. And I am doing it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, a song of profit and power, sung in the key of absolute cynicism.

Do not mistake this for a surrender. This is a conquest. I am not giving my nation away; I am trading its ephemeral, troublesome, demanding sovereignty for something far more tangible and durable: a golden leash. Let the world call it what it will be treason, apostasy, and madness. I call it the ultimate arbitrage. These six million souls are my primary resource, a commodity far more valuable than oil, gas, or gold. They are a living, breathing reservoir of labor, loyalty, and desperation. And I have found a buyer with deep pockets and a strategic need that matches my own boundless ambition. The Israelis, with their scotch and earth policy, prowess and their iron will, have spent decades trying to secure their foothold in a hostile region. But they think small. They think about buffer zones and settlements. I am offering them a complete, ready-made empire in the Horn of Africa, a launchpad that will control the very arteries of global commerce. I am offering them a chattel state, perfectly pacified, supremely positioned, and run by a man who asks for nothing in return but the power to keep ruling over his own personal fiefdom of servitude.